Think of complaints in the form of points. When you complain, you are subtracting -10 positive points from your life and when you truly find something that makes you feel positive from your heart, you get positive 1 point. The reason why we subtract more is when we complain it actually takes that much more energy to feel positive.
A psychologist came to speak at my children’s elementary school 8 years ago (though it feels like yesterday). This lovely woman informed us that for every criticism we say to our kids, we need to follow it up with 10 positive things for a child to develop healthy self-esteem. Children with self-esteem are more likely to be successful and feel happy. Dr. Phil also states this on his televison show.
We are not children, but I believe this concept still applies. Think about what kind of deprivation we put ourselves in when we are continuously subtracting from ourselves. Does this impact your relationships and health? Think about how it moves us farther away from happiness. Then, think about how easy it can be to start adding up the positive points. The choice is yours.
SIDE NOTE: It is not that I want to only find what is positive and ignore what is wrong. This is a common misconception. It is very important to identify what is wrong and work on overcoming that. The problem is, we focus too much on what is wrong and you might not believe me about this, but focusing on what is wrong actually makes us afraid to take comfort in what is wonderful. When good comes in we say, ok, when is the other shoe going to drop instead of appreciating the good moment. It goes even deeper though. Focusing on what is wrong can paralyze us so we don’t face ourselves and therefore get caught in a cycle of complaining instead doing what it takes to heal.
Complaining can steal your courage to evolve. Don't let it.
Think that every time you switch the bracelet on your wrist you are reminding yourself that you are working toward a greater good and healing for yourself. By doing something so good for you are adding life to your life.
Today, think of your thoughts and words in the form of points. When you express something, notice if you are adding or subtracting life-force from yourself and see what you can do to keep yourself balanced. I want to encourage you to do this work because when we add to the greater picture of life it helps add more positive to the world. We need you. Keep going!
I got my purple bracelet and was determined to not complain, criticize or gossip.
I went out to lunch with a friend of mine. When she started talking about things that were "wrong" and wanted me to agree with her, I pulled up my sleeve and showed her my putple bracelet and told her what I was attempting to do.
She said, "Well then, what are we going to talk about?"
That was a very awkward moment. I said, "I don't know." Then I started saying how good the food was that we were eating, and how beautiful the flowers were across the street.
I think I would have been a little put off too, if someone said that to me in the middle of a conversation. But it's easier for me, weather I tell my friends/relatives or not. I just change the subject or try to lighten up the conversation.
- Joan Mcclure
Fort Bragg, California
Reprinted with permission - Complaint Free World pg 148